Bravery and Joy
by klutzysunshine
Summary: It's killing Melinda to keep her pain locked down and she works up the courage to tell Phil what happened in Bahrain.


**I don't own Agents of SHIELD nor will I ever. No copyright infringement intended.**

* * *

After the Ultron fiasco is resolved and Hydra slinks back into the shadows, Melinda realizes she can't keep Bahrain locked down anymore because it's killing her more and more as the years pass. She's going to fall apart at the seams if she holds all of it in. Fortunately - and surprisingly - Skye, who informed her Jiaying told her the truth and it doesn't matter, she still loves Melinda, offers her shoulder for moral support when she tells Phil what really happened. Melinda appreciates the gesture. "I need to do this alone but I will absolutely come to you to talk. You fine with that?"

Skye nods. "Of course I am." She embraces the woman who's been more of a mom to her than her birth mother and reluctantly pulls away so Melinda can go to Phil's office to talk to him privately. "Good luck."

"Thanks, sweetheart." Melinda flashes a nervous smile at her and then heads up slowly because she's still terrified - irrationally - that the man she loves is going to hate her once he knews the truth.

Phil looks up from his paperwork and grins when he sees her. "What's up, May?"

She takes a few minutes to memorize the look of adoration (does he love her too?) on his face just in case he hates her after this. When he starts to look concerned, Melinda knows she should say something, even as tears spring to her eyes. She's grateful when he doesn't react to her seizing his hand. "Promise me that you won't interrupt because I'm going to fall apart if I don't get through this."

He's worried about Melinda and it's obvious. Is something wrong with her, health-wise? Did something happen to her mother? What is it? "I promise. Whatever is it that's wrong, I'm here for you, Melinda."

Telling him the full story about what happened in Bahrain is one of the hardest - and bravest - things Melinda's ever done and she struggles to get through the story. Both are in tears by the end of it but he refuses to leave her side. "I was too broken to deal with life after and that's why I left Andrew; pulled away from everyone. I killed a little girl, Phil," she says as her voice cracks.

Phil shakes his head. "You saved all those agents in there, Melinda. You paid the price for it and you don't have to keep living in the past. It's horrifying but Katya was going to kill everyone in there and you did what you had to to survive. You've been living with this for seven years?"

"Yes." Her voice catches again and Melinda hates herself even more for it. "It was my burden to bear, Phil."

He brushes her hair out of her eyes. "I wish you had told me sooner but I understand why you didn't. Nobody is going to hate you, Melinda. We love you."

Melinda shouldn't ask but she has to know once and for all. She allows herself to hope for the first time in years. "We? Or you?"

"Both," he admits. "Melinda, I've been in love with you for years. I respected your marriage to Andrew - and I like him - but why do you think I kept showing up at the house and interrupting you all the time?"

She snorts and Phil's glad he was able to make her smile. "I love you too, Phil."

He leans over and kisses her and Melinda's not ashamed that they make love on his couch for the first time (neither is he).

The truth's out in the open now and Melinda feels like a huge weight has been lifted off her shoulders. The trauma of Bahrain still lingers but she finally begins to move on.

And six weeks later, she's only mildly surprised when the pregnancy test comes back positive.

* * *

With her family by the side, Melinda's miracle (as Jemma deemed it) pregnancy progresses smoothly. "What is it like to be pregnant?" a curious Bobbi questions.

Jemma bobs her head up and down. "Are you miserable?"

Melinda bites her lip as she looks over as Phil. "I'm the happiest I've been in a long time," she admits and actually giggles. Both women do a double take at that.

"I'm going to spoil this kid rotten." Bobbi isn't ready to admit yet that she wants one of her own.

"Me too." Jemma's dove head first into taking care of her during the entire time, and Melinda loves the kid even more for it.

She's surrounded by more family than she thought possible.

When the baby's born, Melinda's heart swells with joy and she instantly knows what to name her daughter. "Joy Lian Coulson," she murmurs.

"Our pride and joy. Double meaning." Phil pulls Skye in for a hug and kisses the top of her head. "Our girls are perfect, Melinda."

"Hi, Joy. I'm your surrogate big sister and I'm going to take such good of you," Skye promises as Melinda starts rocking the newborn back and forth to calm her down. She's terrified to hold the baby but she can't wait to snuggle with Joy.

Melinda takes a tiny hand in hers and tears up again, cursing the rush of hormones. "I've been waiting for you, Joy."

Phil wants to hold onto the image of his fiancee and their daughter interacting for the first time until the end of time. He's ready to burst with happiness. Joy's name is certainly fitting and Melinda chose well. "I love you all," he tells the team gathered around Melinda's bed, a sentiment they all echo.

Melinda will not let her past define her anymore and she's realized she can have this without guilt.

* * *

Adjusting to a newborn is hard but the team steps up to help. Grant especially gets attached and offers to baby-sit whenever they need help. The day she comes back to find him on the couch with the baby asleep on his chest, Melinda melts (and snaps a quick picture). "This is the cutest thing I've ever seen," an enamored Skye whispers.

He stirs. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just go to back," Skye tells him.

"Miss Joy was very good tonight," he tells Melinda, careful not to jostle Joy and wake her up.

"Good. Come get me if you need my help." Melinda is learning to trust him again and this second chance is working out well for him.

"I will." Grant adores the hell out of Joy Coulson and he will kill anyone for her. It's the same way he feels about FitzSimmons, Skye, and Kara (and the others but he's not about to admit that yet).

Melinda leaves them alone to go find her husband and hopefully eat something with him because she's starving.

She still has nightmares about what went down in Bahrain and some days the guilt and grief swallow her whole, but Melinda is happy and she won't let anything or anybody ruin that. The therapy she started attending with someone Andrew recommended is also helping.

The Melinda of before sometimes peeks out but she will never be her again and that's okay. Bahrain forever changed her and she can't go back. But she doesn't have to be the person she became after either and that's what keeps her going.


End file.
